i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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