nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
