i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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