Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Small penises have feelings too.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
