she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
