I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
