I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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