I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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