nut hugger
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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