She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
