u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
