"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
