my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
is wine microwaveable?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
