Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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