Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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