Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
