32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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