I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
