You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize