420 ftw
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
