1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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