Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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