Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
