I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
