Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
