I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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