dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
