Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just found a bag of teeth...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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