he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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