you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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