sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
