I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
