I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
