I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
