i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
