At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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