I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
