I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
