last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
