just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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