3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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