she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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