i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
