The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
