Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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