I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Randomize
