im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
