So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
