I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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