Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
