Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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