You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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