Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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