No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
