Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
