Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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