You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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