bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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