if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
