If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
