So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize