I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
