I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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