Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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