I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
