Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize