How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
