Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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