I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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