No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
