I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize