I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
